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poetry and musings from the girl behind the mask my journal  of Juha Harju. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Graphics by: Deanna
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Monday, October 25, 2004
Full Moon One night I transmutated God into human form and put my hand on the small of her back and danced with her. We danced in a small circle, as God is apt to do and when I looked into her eyes she disappeared.. It was then I started craving that anamalistic passion that I had so long ago, the thing that takes control over the senses just before the senses blink and heighten. Craving that instant when everything brightens just before it all goes dark. I must have that moment of chaos, before I can find that moment of peace. Friday, August 06, 2004
The Fourth Bridge I believe in a universal consciousness. I believe that we are all the same being - constantly changing ourselves, yet constantly staying the same - plants, animals, earth, sky, human - all the same. Each a part of the other and interdependent upon each other.
I believe in science and I believe in magic and I do not believe that the two are mutually exclusive. Each are equal in power and in theory.
I believe that flames and teardrops are the same shape, only inverted.
I believe that the truest form of beauty is the truest form of self, and that being who you are at your raw core is your only chance at happiness.
I believe in light and I believe in dark and I can relate to the way that dawn and dusk are forever attached yet never completely meet. I believe in the fact that artificial light is evil and I love the fact that there can never be an artificial dark.
I believe that touch, love, hate, family, friends and everything else we see or know has equal powers to hurt and to heal, depending upon which way they are directed.
I believe in truth and not in perceptions and the fact that most people confuse the two. Truth remains the same, no matter your perception or rationalization of such.
I believe that time is a spiral cut from a piece of paper torn from my jr. high geometry notebook. For if time were linear, I would not constantly feel as if I am eight years old..or twelve...or sixteen.
I believe in time travel and I believe in spiritual travel and I believe that sometimes, these are one and the same - for this is where the science and the magic meet. Under a leafless oak tree that was here before the beginning of time, on top of the moon and her many moons, beside my bed at night when I dream and behind by eyes when I close them and see things that are real, but that I cannot touch. Monday, June 21, 2004
New Comes Lately Summer Solstice. Depression, repression, rebirth. Hot-line calls, tears that fall, boy drama. Shock, lock, rock and roll. Manic friends, piercing trends, pulsing palms. Muisc loud, eyes look proud, lessons learned. Monday, March 29, 2004
the reason you love her is the reason you hate her When you met her, she was four feet above the street, trying out a new set of wings. -Hoovering motionless between euphoria and rational thought. She wanted to believe that the answer to everything was 42 and that holy ground was still holy even if you dug it up and put it somewhere else. She was the princess in the tower and the whore on the street. And as she lit a candle to drown out the noise, she was torn in half. She was the underground - comfortable only in the dark, soft earth. -Until she realized that the underground, too, is tilted on it's axis. The last time you saw her, she was sleeping in the backseat of your car- dreaming of flying. You drove until the road turned into broken bits of dust and bumpy gravel. Her subconcious smiled. turbulence. anatomy of a forgotten friend I find you there Searching my wrists For cuts that just won't heal. You have been flowing through my veins since the beginning of time. To be set free from you Is to be set free from myself. The destructive power of love's coersion. Friday, March 12, 2004
song inspired by a sleepless night 2003 self-conflicting theories-running though my soul the writing on my hands it tells me there has to be more than this this still-life is not what i painted at all i need for my colors to run again i need to run again i'm tired of the work i'm tired of the freaks i'm tired of tasting the salt in my sleep there blue-eyed demons-they won't let me go i just can't sleep anymore but what i really want to feel what i really want to feel is the breath of all things beautiful what i really want to feel is... the life flow though my veins. the writing on my hands.. there has to be more to life than this i'm tired of the work i'm tired of the freaks i'm tired of tasting the blood in my sleep these blue-eyes demons, they won't let me go i just can't sleep anymore i can taste it suspended free 2003 run to my manic kingdom (i am the lizard queen) and bid a sighed farewell to apathy's friend join me here where the moon is always full of chaos theories dancing in an uncolored world of fairies and nakedness of time inhabitants that unafraid express the edges of their soul lose yourself among us- all love and pain embraced jump from our cliffs with the certainty of the eternal here you will find me, speaking the ancient language the only one i know, suspended free between the riddle and the knowing and dancing with dionysus all around december, 2000 friendship we shared the same thoughts i came to you when my life was a whirlwind, spinning all around me you were my calm, my ocean now, here we are in this spinning blue together. we feel it, plulling us deeper into the storm and closer to each other you become my calm and storm ther eis no reality here only you and me, enchanted and unnerved flames december, 2001 sun dried hair and wide spread eyes dancing into dark with you falling fast into the deep that's destined for so few the prison where we find ourselves it's ours and ours alone escape with me into the rain into the damp unknown expose your heart without regret two souls mixed and in vain minds and bodies, burning warmth this pleasure mixed with pain thickend chemistry surrounds dreams and reality swirling into lover's heat intoxicating me find me in your fire tonight consume me with your hands free in me a shadowed light and cry with night's command silent whisper 2002 In this one Moment, my hope Is dusted off...pulled from the Shelf like a tattered old Shawl, worn anew and brought back to life. You set your Open words Upon my head, crowning Me with the beauty of your soul. And in this one moment, my love Remains silent, cursing my shacked hands, Yielded, bound not by any ordinary means, Just by love.
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